Someone asked me the other day, “How do you defend yourself against liars?” Here was my response…
You don't. When you do you give your power away.
What I've learned is to walk away from them entirely… which for me has meant walking away from the majority of my family of origin for this very reason. It's not easy, excruciatingly painful actually… but ‘defending' yourself against people determined to slander you is a colossal exercise in futility!
There's a saying, “When toxic people can no longer control you they'll try to control how others see you.” Usually, this is done with distortions, half-truths, and outright lies. When dealing with destructive narcissists it's very typical behavior known as a ‘smear campaign.'
Two things are key here…
First, Eliminating liars from your life, period. Absolute, outright no contact… in my humble opinion, it's the best way to go. No one should have people in their lives who are capable of wreaking that kind of destruction anytime they choose simply by opening their mouths.
Second, healing ourselves so we can get our self-esteem to a point where we are no longer wrapped up in the opinions of others… at all!!
‘I' know my Truth. I know who I am. I know what I have lived. I know what I (or they) did or didn't do… did or didn't say. What others think of me is none of my business. We must become independent of the opinions of others, good, bad, or indifferent.
That really is the bottom line. Not easy but essential. You can get there.
We've got to stop giving a flying fuck what others think of us and start caring more about what WE think of us and how much WE Love ourselves. From that place, we attract MUCH healthier people and we don't have to deal with so much bullshit in our lives. Life is hard enough without all the added garbage, no?!!
People don't get to lie to me or about me and stay in my life… no matter who they are… period. This is non-negotiable. I don't need to defend myself. I just need them gone.
One of my favorite quotes from ACIM is, “In my defenselessness my safety lies.”
Here's the thing…
When we invest any of our energy in darkness we are investing in illusion. My suggestion is to Love yourself enough to stay in the light.
DO NOT engage with liars… especially if they are lying about you!! Ever. Period.
With a heart full of massive Love,
~ Tamie M xx
