God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the people I can, and the wisdom to know that person is me!
People change when they're ready to change. When they want to change. When being the way they are and doing the things they do hurts enough and they… only they… decide when it hurts ‘enough.'
No amount of begging, pleading, manipulating, controlling, coercing, negotiating, screaming, yelling or threatening will change someone who does not see an issue with their behavior or believes their own bullshit.
No amount of rescuing, helping, fixing, caving in to and enabling is going to effect change either.
Folks do what they do because it SERVES THEM… even if on a VERY unhealthy level… somehow it serves them or they wouldn't be doing it… period!
The only shot you have at putting a dent in someone else's choices and behaviors that are having a negative effect on you is calm, dignified, respectful, non-negotiable TOUGH LOVE.
Actually having to live the consequences of one's choices can be highly motivating… when ‘they're' ready.
Remember what I said? They decide that, not you.
I know, I know… it's frustrating… but best you decide to accept that now because we can become very ill trying to change someone else. It's an expensive and dangerous game. Stop playing it!
Here's the thing…
Our primary job in life is to take care of ourselves first, Love ourselves first, respect ourselves first. If we're busy and obsessed with ‘getting through' to someone else… ‘changing' someone else… it's going to be very difficult to do that.
It's also going to be very difficult to be there for the people who really need and deserve your care, concern, compassion, love, and support.
Countless kids suffer because one parent is obsessed with changing the other. Don't be that parent!
Now here's the REAL TRUTH…
Ready?!!…
IF you're obsessed with someone else and ‘their' behavior…
Honey, you have your own work to do! Ouch… I know. The truth fucking hurts but it will also set you FREE!! I promise!!
Let go. Step back. Detach. Breathe. Pray. Meditate. Go for a walk. Take a bath. Eat great food. Make extreme self-care a priority and…
Focus on Loving, improving and empowering yourself!!
People change when they're ready to change… and not a moment sooner. Focus on YOU!! ❤️
P.S. If you're dealing with a narcissist, you have NO hope in Hell. Walk away.
AND…
Come into the light ~ come into the light ~ come into the light!! xx
#knowyourvalue #unlockyourfreedom
